Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
