that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
