I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
