somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
