so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
