Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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