I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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