Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
