I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
