Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
