I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
