Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
