Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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