I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
