when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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