Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
