remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
