dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
