This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
