and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
