I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
