At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sarcasm needs its own font
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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