It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
