Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
