Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
