drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
