Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
