Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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