I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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