Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
