Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
