two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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