Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Soap is not a condiment
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
