Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
