i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cat gives me a boner
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
