The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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