Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dear god my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
