I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You're like the curious george of whores
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
