He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize