I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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