it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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