I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
