my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm really busy with my period
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
