Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
