He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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