I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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