Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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