I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
