I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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