You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
