My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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