Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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