My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
