Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
