i think i have herpe
just one?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
