Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
