So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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