you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
