let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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