I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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