On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
