Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
