if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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