I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
