My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came so hard my ears popped.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
