Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
