Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
