I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
